Frankfurt, Germany

Another post I wrote yesterday, with some photos of Frankfurt, Germany and Warsaw, Poland.

We arrived in Frankfurt just before sunrise. It felt so good to walk around a bit in the airport and stretch our swollen feet. I bought some German treats for the kids, some chocolate, crackers and gummy bears for Leah.

Now we are on a smaller plane heading for Moscow. It is so strange to think that we will be there for so long without getting to see our boy. Usually we get to see him the very next morning after we arrive, but because of the hearing Tuesday, I doubt we will get to see him.

On the long flight over I had lots of time to think about this whole situation. As I listened to the music we have used on videos we have made of our first two trips, it was bittersweet. We never would have guessed back then that such an obstacle as this would appear. I became almost panicked just thinking about the possibility of coming home without him. We have seen so many miracles throughout this process, there has been no doubt in our minds that this was all meant to be. But this is the biggest obstacle yet, and it is easy to let fear creep in.

When I am feeling scared I think about all the cute clothes I packed for Gabe in our suitcase. I imagine him playing with the toys I brought just for him. I think of what this week will be like in the hotel together. How will he act? How will he respond to being out of the orphanage he has known his whole life? I have read many other adoption blogs and know women personally who say that their adopted child became a whole new person once outside the confines of the orphanage walls. Children who were once wild and seemed like they would exhaust their parents instead became calm and clingy. Some seemed to relax and lean into the trust of their parents arms. Others seemed to retreat into themselves, obviously afraid of such freedom. There are so many unknowns with international adoption. Yes, the parent training we have had has prepared us for seemingly all possibilities, but I'm sure it will be so different when it is all actually in front of me. I just pray that I will have the guidance of the Spirit to be the best mother I can be for Gabriel. I hope I can offer just what he needs: comfort when he desires it, and space when he needs it. Not too much, not too little. It is high time this boy know what it's like to have someone there, through thick and thin. Someone who doesn't just praise him for being good or following directions, but for just being HIM. Oh I can't wait to BE his mother, not just in law and word, but in deed.

We just flew over Warsaw, Poland. Again, I am feeling so blessed to be able to see even snippets of these places I never dreamed I would be able to see. Germany was beautiful to fly in to. The lights of the homes were in clusters and seemed sporadic at first. When the sun rose we realized that was because they are surrounded with forests. It is beautiful. I wish we had time to leave the airport and visit some of the history of this place. Whenever I think of Germany, I think of World War II. How interesting it would be to see the historical places for myself! Maybe one day!

We are Here

I'm going to do several posts in a row. This post is from yesterday, a few things I wrote on the plane.

Trip 3, 1/12/13-1/13/13

A few days before Christmas, I started to hear rumblings come out of Moscow that the government there was considering an adoption ban of some sort to Americans. There have been rumblings like this before, in fact, just in July Russia finally signed and passed a new bi-lateral treaty with the US regarding adoption. It had just gone into effect a few weeks earlier, on November 1st. They wanted more access to the children who had been adopted, in the form of more post-placement reports and even being allowed to send officials to the states to physically check on the kids. Of course, this all came about because of the woman from Tennessee who sent her adopted son back on a plane to Russia. If only this woman could have seen what her one act would do.

This new adoption ban talk was started when President Obama signed into law the Magnitsky Act, prohibiting human rights abusers from entering the US. The Russians were offended and felt this act put our nose in their business and retaliated by passing a similar act, but then adding on that adoptions by Americans would no longer be allowed.

Of course, those of us in process thought, okay, even if they are serious, this just means no NEW adoptions. While this would be a horrible situation for the orphans, using them as political pawns in a bad case of hurt feelings, I felt like we personally would definitely be safe because we had already passed court and our 30 day wait was going to be up in a week.

The rumblings soon turned to outright talk which soon turned into passage of their act, named the Dima law (after an adopted child who was accidentally killed in America). Still, we held out hope, thinking surely President Putin would veto this bill, an obvious emotional reaction but not rational at all. However, three days later Putin signed the bill into law. Not only would this stop new adoptions, but lawmakers were now saying that any Russian children who were in Russia after January 1st 2013 would stay in Russia. This meant our little boy.

As you can imagine, the past few weeks have been one giant roller coaster of emotions. The news as well has been just as chaotic. One day things sound very grim, like above, the next, one lawmaker has introduced an amendment that would allow special needs adoptions to continue. A few days later, this same lawmaker takes his own amendment off the table. A few days after that, we are told that those who passed court would be allowed to bring their children home.

While all of this is happening, we are in contact with the US State Department, who seem to know no more than we do, and we are just told that they are continuing to inquire of the Russian government and will pass along any information as they receive it. Russia is being silent to all inquiries. Implementation of the law is still up in the air. Officials at the courts, passport offices, and vital statistics offices have no idea how they are to proceed. Some are refusing to do anything until they receive further clarification. Others are cautiously moving forward until they are told to stop. Our own judge at first said she would still issue the decree, since we had court before this new law officially went into effect. But then, just a few days ago we received word that she has called a new hearing and wants to speak to Gabriel's orphanage director again to make sure she is still in favor of his adoption.

It is in this chaotic and uncertain environment that we are now on a plane, heading to Amsterdam, Germany, then on to Moscow. We are arriving on a Sunday afternoon. We were supposed to pick him up Monday morning, but now we can't. The hearing is on Tuesday. We know that the director will speak favorably of us. We were told she would "fight to the end" to get Gabriel home to us. But the judge....we just have no inclination of her feelings yet. She could hear what the director has to say and immediately grant our decree. Or maybe she has cold feet and will tell us to come back in a month after the Supreme Court has had time to review the new law and there is further direction on implementation. The uncertainty is killing me. I have a constant head ache, I wake up and immediately check the news out of Moscow and in my Russia facebook group. I hold my breath while I read the latest, at once hopeful and terrified.

BUT, we are going. We will hold vigil in our hotel room until Tuesday when we will get further direction on what we are supposed to do. If the judge issues our decree, we will spend the rest of the week trying to obtain his new birth certificate, his exit visa, his Russian passport, and his entry visa to the US. Our agency has told us she guesses we will have to stay over the weekend and finish up paperwork the beginning of the next week. I hope she's wrong! I know the US embassy is rushing entry visas for families and working very hard at expediting all paperwork. But we could face some resistance at the passport or vital statistics offices.

It is also our hope that we will get to see our boy on Monday anyway, just for a visit. Although I have to admit it might be difficult to contain all these emotions when we're with him, among all this uncertainty.

Today we received many emails, texts, facebook messages, and phone calls wishing us well and letting us know that we are being prayed for and thought of. This makes me come to tears just writing about it because it is the most humbling and comforting feeling to know there is all this support out there. To say thank you seems so inadequate, but it is all there is to say. So thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, with all that we are, thank you.

What a Roller Coaster

There was a lot of back and forth this morning between our agency and team in-country. Our flights were going to have to be postponed due to an additional hearing the judge requested. But now we are told to still come as planned, but there may be delays in country for processing our paperwork because we can't begin it until this new hearing is over. The judge wants to hear from our orphanage director one more time (who is completely on our side and I have no doubts she'll agree to the adoption again). There is news from Putin's press secretary that they will continue adoptions for one year as agreed to in the adoption agreement signed last summer. There is still uncertainty as to if families who haven't had court already will be able to finish, but it sounds hopeful! All I know is we will be there soon and once we have hold of our son we will not let him go!

This also means we may not be able to come home on the 19th as planned, so I will keep you posted for those that were thinking about greeting us at the airport :-)

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and well-wishes, they do mean so much to us while we ride this roller coaster!

The World is Getting Smaller...

But the task is getting bigger...

I have always dreamed about traveling the world, seeing famous landmarks and taking in the rich cultural histories of foreign lands and people that can only be experienced in real life. When I saw a news story once that chronicled the one-year educational journey a family decided to make with their children, traveling the world in order to teach them hands-on social studies, history, science, geography, etc, I admit the thought crossed my mind of packing our bags and driving as quickly as I could to the nearest airport. In those rare moments of wondering "if I didn't have the opportunity to be married or have children, this is what I would do..." I have pictured myself in the medical field traveling the world with organizations such as Smile Train or Doctors Without Borders. I would hope to be doing something with purpose and great personal fulfillment.

But of course that is not the path my life has taken, and I am more than okay with that. Being steward over my children has been more rewarding and personally fulfilling and challenging than i could have ever imagined, and I have never regretted becoming a mother for even a moment. In fact, being a mother, I believe, has greater power to change the world for good than many charitable organizations combined. That is a daunting yet inspiring concept!

Having the privilege to travel to a country I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I'd see in my lifetime, has made the world as I know it seem so, so small. To be able to get on a plane here in the Pacific Northwest (where every modern convenience known to man is easily at my disposal and often taken for granted) and a mere ten hours later arrive at the place where children are in an orphan crisis is proof of how small the world really is. These children are not starving for food and families in my own backyard, but they are in the time it would take to drive to my parents house and return home. They are within reach, and yet can seem so far away. And while the world is indeed getting smaller due to modern technology, the task of improving lives worldwide is now larger, as we are more aware than ever of the vast and varied needs of our neighbors both locally and globally. And there is always that lovely thing called politics that make the job of big hearts wanting to do good sometimes much harder.

So what's a person to do? This adoption experience has shown me that one person can indeed change the world, even a piece at a time. And I'm not talking about us changing Gabe's life, although his life is surely about to change, but I'm talking about my own life and heart. I am a different mother now that I have seen the motherless. I am a different spiritual worshiper, now that I have seen faith and prayer move mountains. And I am a different world citizen, now that I have seen my brothers and sisters of different languages and cultures express the universal emotions of giving and receiving love. It has been one of my greatest blessings to witness. If adoption teaches us anything, it teaches us that although one person may not be able to change the entire world, they can still be the beginning of something far greater than themselves. A quote often attributed to Mother Theresa says "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples." Adoption creates many ripples. I hope that in my small world I can be a ripple of positive change.

I'm not sure exactly what I am trying to get across with all of this rambling. I guess I am just very busy in my mind these last few days before we leave to pick up the child we have imagined for so long. And I think I am extra philosophical about things because of the uncertainty that will exist right up until the moment we get back on a plane to the U.S. In the dark recesses of "what if," even if only subconsciously, my mind is trying to prepare me for the possibility of coming home empty-handed. These big life moments tend to make us reflect on the larger picture of life and how we're living it. Is all that we go through worth it if we don't get what we expected? I can easily answer yes, for no matter how cliched it sounds, life truly IS about the journey, and the beauty that comes from the most unlikely of sources. In my heart of hearts, I know that even if we come home empty-handed and broken hearted, there have been many ripples cast across a big pond, and good will continue to spread because of the plight of one small boy and how he changed our world for the better.

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Thanks to those who have let me know they'd like to follow along while we're traveling. I haven't published your comments in order to keep your email addresses private, but I really have felt grateful for your reaching out to me. Hoping with all my heart this trip will be full of miracles and smiles....I am counting down the hours!

Want to Follow Along?

While we are traveling I will be making this blog private, but I'd still love for you to follow along! If you'd like an invite, just leave me your email in a comment or email me directly (address is in the side bar).

We can't thank you all enough for your outpouring of love and support for us and Gabe and ALL the orphaned children in his situation. We have been forced to go outside our comfort zone so many times, but it has been there that we have been privileged to witness miracles, love and friendship the likes of which we've never known before. So thank you, from the bottom of our hearts . Thank you.

[The kids on Gabe's new bed! They are such posers, they crack me up!]

Going Private Temporarily

Out of an abundance of caution, I have removed all posts until we are home with Our boy in our arms. Please continue to pray for all of the kids and the broken hearts of their parents who are trying so desperately to get them home. Thank you so much.

Nerves

I am going through my days, going through the motions, trying to push back the ball of nerves that sits ever-present in my stomach. I have great hope and faith that we will get to pick up Gabe, but there is always the lingering "what if?" What if the birth certificate office won't issue us his new birth certificate? What if the passport office flat-out says "no"? Will we have to hire an attorney while there? What if....?

We are one of the "lucky" six families you may have heard about (there are actually only five families because one is adopting two kids): we passed court AND the mandatory 30 day appeal period before January 1st. We would have been able to pick him up December 30th if the government offices hadn't shut down for the holidays. Media in the US are reporting that we have a very good chance of being able to bring him home. However, Russian officials are being completely silent to the US Department of State right now, which is never a good sign. There have been rumors of a special needs amendment, but again, it is just rumor. The cold facts are that no one here or there knows for sure what is going to happen when we arrive in Moscow to pick up our boy. But I am his mother, legally and in my heart, and I will fight for him with any authority I may have as his legal parent.

Brian asked me to put together a video of our second trip photos and videos, so if I can get my computer to cooperate I will try to get one posted before we go. For right now, I am just missing this: