Monday, December 24, 2012

O Holy Night

My darn computer has been giving me fits, not letting me log in to blog, and now it won't even let me get online, so I am typing this on my phone because I must write what is in my heart right now or it will burst!

We started this journey on a wing and a prayer. I personally did not have any assurances that this was absolutely the right thing to do. All I had was a large nudging by the Spirit, saying "do it now!" There have been so many doubts and hurdles along the way, mostly in my own mind. So much opposition politically, spiritually, and in general. BUT, there have been even more blessings along the way than there have ever been difficulties. Tears of joy and humility have far outnumbered tears of fear, doubt or struggle.

This morning, on Christmas Eve, we found this envelope on our porch, pictured below. "Good luck in Russia..." was scrawled on the outside. Inside, a most generous gift. The neatest thing is, I can immediately think of a dozen people who could have left this for us. That is why I am crying while I write this. I am not a super social person, I love people dearly and enjoy being with friends, but in many ways I am shy. To say that this adoption process has humbled me and made me step outside my comfort zone would be the biggest understatement of the year. It was never my intent to let anyone know of our financial need. But time and again, mostly through other people, God has told me, "Let me bless you. Just let me bless you." He loves Gabriel so much. He loves all of us so much. Of this I have no doubt. He has blessed us beyond measure to assure Gabriel will come home to us.

There is so much misery and turmoil in the world, even as I write. Innocent children murdered, countries quarreling or at war, and the list goes on. But He is aware of each of us. We are numbered to him. He loves us even more than we love our own children, which is impossible to comprehend. When I am feeling unworthy of His love, like I am failing at every turn, I need only think of how much I love my own children, how I would lay down my life for them without ever thinking twice about it, and I remember that is How he feels about me.

With this new proposed bill in Russia that may cut off all adoptions to Americans, there has been much fear, heartache and devastation in families across this country. There are families I know who have already traveled to meet "their" child, they have fallen in love and felt strongly that the child should be a part of their family. While their fear is palpable, so is their faith. I have read expressions of, "These children are numbered to God. He will be with them. They may have to endure the unthinkable, but He will make it right one day." These families are my heroes.

So in a nutshell, I just wanted to say, there is so much holiness in the world, even in the midst of misery. My eyes have been opened to this reality, and my prayer for you is that you see the good in the world, too.

Thank you, our Christmas Eve Elf, for your gift of hope, love, inspiration. We will not miss the opportunity to pay it forward.

Merry Christmas